A, B, C, ?
copyright: Dorothée King
You think you had a plan. A very specific goal. You know exactly where you're going. You're ready to take off at position “A” and you're sure where you'll end up, namely at “B”. But then, on the way, you're suddenly not so sure anymore. You meet new people. Other possibilities open up. Your picture of the world changes. Your goals blur or are replaced by new ones. You do not arrive at B, but somewhere else. What has happened?
Let's illustrate this with a very simple example that you may also know. You want to exercise more. On Monday you start on position A: You sit on the coach and don't move at all. You exclaim B: "From now on I'm going to do more sports." What happens now? On Monday you exercise. On Tuesday you exercise. On Wednesday you sit on the couch. On Thursday you owe a bit. On Friday you meet with your friends. On Saturday you do some sports and other things. On Sunday you do not even think about the gym. On Monday you are busy with new things.
Now there are different ways to deal with it:
1. You feel inadequate. You think you have failed because you didn't make it to B. You feel guilty. About B. Yourself. Or the expectations you think other people might have for you.
2. You are pleased with the C you have arrived at. You are discovering new possibilities and are happy about your new point of view and your refreshed view of the world. Suddenly you discover completely new ways on how things could go on.
3. You enjoy the .......... The state between A, B and C. The moment of creating something completely new. It is no longer about reaching a goal and not even about a way.
All three possibilities are allowed. You have the choice. You could even challenge yourself and choose when option 1, 2 or 3 or a mixture of all three makes sense.
But often you are caught in possibility number 1. You have a prefabricated picture that you want or should correspond to. I started this, now I will finish it. This is how you do it. That is just the way it is. Whoever says A, must also say B. Really? How does it feel? Consistent? Or maybe a bit ... hm ... tight or boring?
Sometimes you make it to number 2. You take another turn. You get lost. You don't care about the opinions and comments of others. You realise that B is not your thing. You just do not finish something. You take a different path than planned. You change your mind. Now you are interested in a C. How do you feel now? Free? More in harmony with yourself? More courageous? Maybe you have a bad conscience? Not so conformist, but somehow coherent?
And then there is the very exciting number 3. No B. No C. All of a sudden it is no longer a question of a clear end result. It is no longer about getting somewhere. No longer about achieve something. Mo longer about meeting expectations or having solutions. You are in between. You perceive space, time, the environment in a completely different way. Suddenly it is all about being in the here and now. Wow, how do you feel now? Feel into it. Empty? Scary? Exciting?
An A to B plan usually means that you have a fixed picture of what something should look like in the future. What the end result should be. A fixed image of yourself and the role in the world. And sometimes it is good to have such clear goals and clear ideas. To finish things. This is how we move forward. The world becomes predictable. It's like riding on a train: we get on the train in Amsterdam and get off the train in Brussels. A to B.
The last six months have been unpredictable. Plans had to be changed. Plans didn't work out as anticipated. You had to or wanted to change your mind and head for new Cs instead of planning Bs. The image you had of yourself and the world had to be adapted and changed.Maybe when you look back in your own life. Maybe these moments are the interesting ones. The moments in which internal or external triggers and events caused B not to arrive as planned. Moments that led to other maybe more exciting decisions. Even if it may be disappointing at first that B did not happen - maybe the C made even more sense in the end? With the third possibility we experience something completely different. To break the corset of prefabricated structures and plans and to allow oneself to steer neither towards B nor towards C results in a gap for the time being. This gap can be perceived as empty and frightening. We live in a culture of goals, of agreements, of results. To break away from this culture requires courage. Those who are courageous may find themselves standing alone at first or even being looked at from an angle. But the courage to fill this gap is also a gift. Not to go from A to B and also not to go to C. Not to say B and also not to say C means freedom. The freedom to pause. The freedom to feel inside what is inside of yourself, in this very moment. To wake up and to perceive oneself and the others and the world once again in a completely new way. Suddenly it is all about the moment of creation. The creation of the moment. Something completely new may arise. Something that was not planned in advance and was not available for selection.
Breathe in and breathe out.
Maybe back to the safe A? Maybe the B after all, it wasn't that bad and that's where everyone goes in the end? No, but much rather to the exciting C? Or hey what about the D, which looks exciting too? Or and now it's up to you, to be here for now, with what is. Something completely different arises from this, something that is completely you, but that you do not yet know. Not a predefined you, but a you in the now. Something happens, something arises against that cannot be described by words.
Enjoy the adventure.
Published on medium: https://dorotheeking.medium.com/a-b-c-3306042112f0