When neither Marie Kondo nor “Swedish Death Cleaning” motivates you to become a minimalist.

copyright: Dorothée King

4 plus 2 questions to live your life’s purpose with exactly the material things you need.

A couple of weeks ago my 72-year-old mom moved to a smaller elderly-friendly apartment. On the day of her move she fell. She broke one arm and seriously injured the other. My sisters and I took over: We emptied endless boxes. We made space for all her things in the small space. We handled a lot of stuff. Multiples of all items. Most of it unused. It took forever. In the process of going through her clutter, I got super mad at my mother. A couple of weeks before her move, I had told her about the decluttering method “Swedish Death Cleaning”, made popular by Margareta Magnusson. But apparently the idea “to get rid of all the stuff you’ve accumulated so that no one else has to do it for you after you pass” had not resonated with her so far. 

I was wondering (not mad anymore but caring): What decluttering methods might be motivating for my mom (and everybody else)? I was asking myself: How to become a minimalist voluntarily and joyfully, especially, if minimalism is just not your thing?

The first step is to define the process of letting go not as a burden, but as a way to find happiness. This shift brings us to the Marie Kondo method. She suggests that we should only keep the objects that sparkle with joy. Yet still not everybody experiences decluttering as a joyful process. We might touch a lot of un-joyful objects on the way.

So instead of putting the focus on decluttering, I propose to emphasis on joyful processes. Decluttering should not be seen as a means in itself (apparently not so attractive for most of us), or as a means to please others (a main focus point of the Swedish cleaning technique), yet a side-effect of other joyful activities.

In my experience as a coach and a mentor I observed one state of being that makes everybody truly content. We are filled with lasting joy, when we re-connect to our true selves, to our unique and authentic purpose, and intrinsic motivations.

So instead of thinking about all the objects in your household. I propose to go through the following questions to re-connect to your unique self and authentic interests. The decluttering happens as a motivational side process. You’ll feel vitalized and refreshed. I promise. 

How does my perfect day look like?

Dream big. Be honest with yourself. Imagine your most perfect day. How do you get up? How do you feel? What do you have for breakfast? What do you wear? How does your surrounding you like? What are your activities during the day? 
So why not start living your dream in the Now. Only keep the things in your home that make your dream life come true. Get rid of all the distracting rest.  

What am I proud of with all my heart?

Only keep what makes you proud. Not the things that your family, friends, or inner critics, might like. Be super honest here. Keep what makes your heart jump with pride. At the end it is your home, not someone else’s museum.

I promise you’ll instantly feel more like your true self, as you got rid of all shoulds. You allow yourself to live a more authentic life. 

What are my favorite memories?
Same here, maybe it is not relics of your graduation party, maybe not even the photos of your wedding. What are your special moments? When did you feel free, loved and most alive? Which places, people, incidents made you truly happy? 
Never ask yourself, how shall others remember me. Ask yourself, how do I want to remember myself?

Free yourself from possible projections and expectations of others. Live your life you’re your special things chosen by you.

What am I excited about? What makes me curious?

This is a question is inspired by Marie Kondo. But instead of focusing on a static feeling of well-being, pay attention to what puts you into an activating energy of doing.

What do you want to learn? What do you want to explore? What do you need to acquire new skills, or meet new people? The things in your home should not keep you stuck in the past. They should support your personal development. 

Keep the things that make you jump out of bed every morning. Donate the rest. 

Special questions for the brave ones:

Which three items would I save from your burning house?

Which three items would I take to a desert island? 

Add to this short list: your tooth brush, your passport, your charger, and a handful of other practical things. Now you are good to go. These six items include all you need from the past, and enough to start an exciting future. Let go of past hobbies, passions, and foremost the sentence “I might use that one day”. 
Focus on how you love to spend the rest of your life. Make space for new adventures.  

Thank you for reading. Enjoy your life. 

Also published on medium: https://dorotheeking.medium.com/when-neither-marie-kondo-nor-swedish-death-cleaning-motivates-you-to-become-a-minimalist-fb2cbbcda06e