The One without 5 and 6

photo by F.King

I sleep. I dream. I am in a team meeting. In underwear. I am supposed to present something. I feel the flip chart paper on the skin of my tummy and my thighs. The flip chart paper doesn’t turn the way I want it to turn. I wake up. It is dark outside. I hear someone vacuuming the inside of his or her car. I get up to go pee. I am thirsty. I am too tired to look for my water glass. I lay in bed. I can’t sleep. I think of work. Emails. Meetings. Emails. Meetings. I try to make myself stop thinking. I remember something I read in the afternoon. John C. Parkin: f**k it therapy. I urge myself to recall his magic six. Step one: Open yourself to the amazing things that will happen in the next twenty minutes. I hear the vacuum cleaner. I am open. Step two: Relax your entire body. “Toes relax.” “Ankles relax.” “Calves relax.” “Knees relax.” Use your breath. “Inhale.” “Exhale.” I hear the hamster running in her wheel. I feel ready for step three. Step three: Shift your perspective. “Let’s try gratitude,” I tell myself. “I have a bed.” “I have a blanket.” “I have a body.” “I breathe.” I look at my cellphone. It is three thirty. I remember step four. Step four: Tune in. I wait for magic messages. “Please tell me, what am I supposed to do?” I fall asleep. I forget about step five and step six.

I sleep. I dream. I am in the Italian mountains. My daughter is about four years old. I try to get her into a gondola. I stand on a rocky cliff. It is hard to keep my balance. It is hard not to fall down the slope. I wake up. I hear a jack hammer. The jack hammer hammers the street. It is summer. They start early. Still, I try to remember step five and step six. I look at my phone. It is thirty past six.

I get up. I take the dog for a walk. We stop at the supermarket for cereal. I tie her up outside. On the way home I feel free and uplifted. I realize I forgot the dog. I turn around to get her.